Finding Friends as a Teenager

Source: Unsplash (@Melissa Askew)

Friendships are one of the most important relationships in a teenager’s life. For many of us, it is our first look at what connection and trust feel like. But what we don’t always realize is that it is our first time truly learning what it means to be a friend. Friendships grow more and more complicated as you get older and experience more of the struggles of being a teenager. Making friends isn’t something that happens all at once. Rather, it’s a process—one that looks different for everyone. 

I remember my first year of high school being filled with drama. It felt like what high school was portrayed as in movies—relationship problems, accusations of fake friends, and constant rumours. At the time, it all seemed normal.

But looking back, none of it made sense. In my first few months of school, I pushed away people who could have become genuine friends, just to sit with people I thought were 'cooler.' I wanted to fit in, even if it meant ignoring the rude comments, the gossip, and the way people treated each other. It felt exciting at first—like I was finally part of something. However, when my closest friend and I found out that our friend group had been talking poorly about our backs for the entire duration of our time together, we quickly realised how disingenuous and insincere our "friendship" truly had been, and we cut those connections out of our lives immediately after. 

In retrospect, I realized that making friends isn’t about finding the “right” group instantly—it often starts with small, uncomfortable steps, and a lot of trial and error.

Putting Yourself Out There

Making friends often starts with putting yourself out there, even when it feels uncomfortable. The fear of rejection—or even just saying the wrong thing—can make it feel like the worst possible situation. Starting a conversation isn’t easy, especially when you don’t know anything about the other person. It can feel awkward, and sometimes it’s easier to stay quiet rather than risk embarrassment.

But most friendships don’t start in big, meaningful ways—they start small. It can be something as simple as sitting next to someone in class, asking a question like "What did you get for #3?” or making a comment on an assignment. These moments might not seem important at the time, but they can be the beginning of something more. Just seeing the same person regularly and exchanging a few words can be what it takes to slowly turn a stranger into a real connection or friend.

That being said, it’s also important to remember that not every attempt will turn into a friendship. Sometimes conversations don’t go anywhere, or the other person doesn’t respond the way you hoped. That can feel discouraging, but it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Making friends takes time, and it often involves a bit of trial and error. By putting yourself out there repeatedly, you can learn the types of people you don't truly align with, which can bring you closer to the ones you do. Taking the chance is never a waste, but the payoff may show in different ways or in different stages! 

In the end, putting yourself out there doesn’t have to mean doing something big or confident. It’s about taking small steps, even when they feel uncomfortable. Those small moments of saying hello, introducing yourself, asking a question, or starting a short conversation are what build the foundation for friendships over time.

Growing Friendships

Once you meet someone, building a friendship takes time and effort. Friendships don’t become strong overnight—they grow through repeated interactions and proximity, such as seeing someone in class, at lunch, or after school. Just being around each other consistently helps create a sense of familiarity and comfort. 

At first, conversations might be simple and a bit surface-level, and that’s completely normal. You might talk about school, teachers, or everyday things. But as you continue spending time together, you start to learn more about each other’s interests, humour, and personality. Slowly, conversations become more natural and more meaningful. You move from small talk to insightful, in-depth conversations where you feel more comfortable sharing your thoughts and interests.

It’s often the small moments that help friendships grow: laughing over something random, helping each other with homework, or spending free time together. These moments might not seem important at first, but they build trust and connection over time.

Growing a friendship also takes effort from both people. It means checking in and making time for each other. It won’t always be perfect, but with patience and consistency, these small interactions can lead to strong and lasting friendships.

Finding The Right Friendships

Once a true friendship is formed, it can feel like everything is set. But as the challenges of being a teenager start to come in—changing classes, new priorities, personal struggles—friendships can slowly shift or even come to an end.

According to research, only around 35% of friendships continue and last after high school. In many ways, that’s a normal part of growing up. Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real or meaningful at the time.

Because of this, finding the right, long-lasting friendships becomes more important than just having a lot of friends. Strong friendships are built on trust, care, and mutual respect. It means feeling supported, being able to rely on each other, and knowing that the other person values you just as much as you value them. 

Long-lasting friendships also let you be yourself without constantly worrying about how you’re being perceived. You don’t feel the need to impress or change who you are just to fit in. Instead, there’s a sense of understanding and comfort that makes the friendship feel steady, even when life gets busy or difficult.

In the end, not every friendship will last, and that’s okay. What matters more is finding the ones that are genuine—friendships that are built on trust, respect, and care, and that can grow with you over time.

Conclusion

Making friends as a teenager isn’t always easy, and it rarely happens the way we expect it to. It takes effort to put yourself out there, patience to let friendships grow, and understanding to recognize which ones are right for you. Along the way, there may be awkward moments, mistakes, or even friendships that don’t last—but all of these experiences help you learn what real friendship looks like. 

In the end, it’s not about having the most friends, but rather, having the right ones. These friendships will change over time, but each one plays a role in helping you understand yourself and others. 

Making friends is a process, and it looks different for everyone—but the connections you build along the way are what make the experiences meaningful.